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Conflict, stress, and dissatisfaction are part of all love
relationships. Knowing the common reasons for failed relationships
can help you heal - and learn to love again.
Working towards a healthy, loving relationship is one of
the most rewarding and challenging things you'll ever do.
These reasons why relationships end are common problems couples
face; becoming familiar with them may save your marriage,
or prepare you to love again.
10 Common Problems Couples Face
1. Failing to keep promises, lying, or cheating. These
blatant violations of trust often result in failed relationships.
If the basic trust in a love relationship is repeatedly broken,
the problems accumulate and the motivation to stay together
decreases. Partners in healthy relationships agree to reconcile
their differences - and if they keep their promises, the relationship
can stay strong. However, consistent lying, cheating, or breaking
of promises can often be why relationships end.
2. Imbalance of power. A common problem couples face
occurs when one partner has more decision-making power than
the other. When one person usually makes the decisions about
activities, friends, financial matters, household matters,
holidays, and so on, the relationship can become unstable.
If a sense of equality doesn't exist, a failed relationship
could be the result.
3. Acceptance of stereotypes. Mistaken gender myths
include beliefs such as "Men like sex more than women"
or "Women are passive" or "Men make more money
than women." If one partner believes these stereotypes,
false expectations are created - resulting in higher chances
of a failed relationship. An equal balance of power can save
your marriage.
4. Isolation. A common problem couples face when they're
newly in love is isolation from friends and family. Love relationships
based on fear and insecurity (which is why couples isolate
themselves) aren't stable, and exacerbate other problems -
which can lead to the breakup of a romantic relationship.
5. Lack of self-knowledge. If one or both partners
aren't in tune with their interests, needs, desires, future
plans, goals, values, sexual attitudes, and preferences -
then it's difficult for them to engage in a healthy relationship.
Self-knowledge helps partners communicate who they are and
what they want - which can prevent the breakup of a romantic
relationship. This can be a common problem couples face if
they got together when they were young.
6. Low self-esteem, insecurity, and lack of self-confidence.
A common reason relationships end is because one partner feels
unworthy of being loved. This insecurity can lead to possessiveness
and overdependence, which isn't healthy for a love relationship.
Building self-esteem and self-confidence is one way to build
a healthy relationship (but each partner must do this for
him or her self).
7. Excessive jealousy. "Jealousy is cited as
one of the most frequent causes of the breakup of romantic
relationships," says Roger Hock in Human Sexuality. Delusional
jealousy can trigger abuse and violence, which can (and should)
be why relationships end. Delusional jealousy isn't a common
problem couples face - but normal jealousy can be.
8. Ineffective communication. If both partners can't
share their thoughts, feelings, opinions, values, needs, frustrations,
or even their joys, a failed relationship could result. If
this was the cause of a breakup, then learning to love again
could involve learning how to communicate effectively. This
is a common problem couples face, for various reasons.
9. Control issues. If one partner is trying to control
or manipulate the other, the love relationship can become
weak - or even dangerous. This reason why relationships end
may be seen in different ways, such as checking up on the
partner, name-calling, threatening the partner, requiring
the partner check in all the time, or not allowing any deviations
from the partner's schedule. This isn't loving behavior, and
it results in failed relationships.
10. Violence. This is the most obvious, surefire way
to destroy a romantic relationship. Physical abuse, sexual
abuse, and emotional abuse are attempts to gain total control
over a partner. Though relationships like this should end
immediately, many partners stay for various complicated reasons.
Learning to love again can be difficult if violence is the
reason for the breakup of the romantic relationship.
Conflict and stress are part of most marriages and love relationships
- but learning about the common reasons for failed relationships
can help couples work towards a healthy relationship.
Source: Human Sexuality by Roger Hock. © Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen
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